Tuesday, December 7, 2010
In the midst of my anxieties, peace is the single greatest gift I can be given. Sleep has been difficult to come by over the last few nights. I have asked for peace at times like this in the past, and it has not come. So I know what it feels like to drown completely in obsessive thoughts, anxieties, insecurities. It is as if God, knowing that I have experienced this hopelessness, is on a loving mission to prove to me now, in the midst of this storm, that He is who He says He is. Prince of Peace, Emanuel (God with us). Just as the fleeting warmth of the other night had passed, and the daggers of anxiety had returned to torment, His presence surrounded me. The situation remains the same, but God granted me His perspective. It changed everything. I walked today for two and a half hours in total freedom. I did not think about what streets to avoid so as not to be seen by someone I've been hiding from. I was fully in my self, my body; God's hand upon my shoulder. I feel the prayers of others, and the strong man forged by the Creator is surfacing, strong only inasmuch as I am dependent upon Him. Freedom through surrender. Peace in the midst of struggle. The mysteries of God.